Sometimes, love hurts more than it blooms. Falling in love with someone you can’t have is a uniquely painful experience, leaving you with feelings of longing, sadness, and even a sense of shattered hope. If you’re struggling to unlove someone out of your reach, know that healing is possible. This guide will walk you through the process of letting go, regaining control of your emotions, and finding peace.

Understanding Unrequited Love

Unrequited love comes in many forms. You might be in love with someone who:

  • Is in a committed relationship with someone else
  • Doesn’t feel the same romantic connection
  • Is geographically distant and a relationship is impractical
  • Has passed away
  • Is emotionally unavailable, or even incompatible with you on a deeper level

Acknowledging the source of your pain is the first step towards dealing with it. It helps you realize that the problem isn’t you, but rather the circumstances out of your control.

Step 1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

Unloving someone requires grieving a loss. Even though you weren’t officially in a relationship, you’re experiencing the loss of a future you envisioned. Give yourself space to feel the sadness, disappointment, and any other emotions that come up. Bottling up your feelings will only prolong the process.

Step 2. Limit Contact

The more exposure you have to the person you’re trying to unlove, the harder it’ll be to move on. If possible, limit or completely cut off contact. This might mean:

  • Unfollowing or muting them on social media
  • Deleting their number and avoiding texting
  • Distancing yourself from mutual friend groups for a while
  • Removing mementos that bring up painful memories

Step 3: Challenge Your Thoughts

Our thoughts have a profound impact on our emotions. When you’re heartbroken, you’re likely prone to idealizing the person and fixating on what might have been. Challenge these thought patterns by practicing self-awareness:

  • Remind yourself of the reasons why the relationship would not have worked.
  • List out this person’s flaws (everyone has them!) to break the illusion of perfection.
  • Counter thoughts of “what if” with realistic, logically constructed scenarios.

Step 4: Invest in Yourself

Shift your energy and focus onto self-care. Nurturing and loving yourself will help rebuild your self-esteem and remind you of your worth:

  • Pursue hobbies you enjoy or try new ones.
  • Spend time nurturing fulfilling relationships with friends and family.
  • Focus on your physical health through exercise and a good diet.
  • Engage in mindfulness practices like meditation and journaling.

Step 5: Avoid Romanticizing Loneliness

In moments of vulnerability, it’s easy to mistake the pain of heartbreak for a longing to be in a relationship. Remind yourself that being alone is not the worst-case scenario, especially in comparison to being in an unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship.

  • Explore the benefits of being single – freedom, self-discovery, and the space to build the life you want.

Step 6: Seek Support

Don’t go through this alone. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or consider reaching out to a therapist for professional help. Having someone to validate your feelings and offer support can make a huge difference.

Step 7: Practice Patience

Unloving someone takes time. There are no shortcuts when it comes to emotional healing. Be patient with yourself, and resist the urge to rush your recovery. Celebrate small victories and remember that hurt doesn’t last forever.


  • How long does it take to unlove someone? There’s no fixed timeline, as everyone heals at their own pace. The intensity of your feelings and the circumstances of the situation play a role.
  • Will I ever stop loving them? The nature of your love may transform over time. Instead of a burning, romantic love, it might shift into a sense of fondness or even indifference.

Remember: You Deserve Love

Unloving someone may feel impossible right now, but you’re stronger than you realize. Focus on building a happy, full life. With time, your heartache will lessen, and you’ll open yourself to the possibility of a love that is reciprocated and fulfilling.pen_sparktunesharemore_vertexpand_contentadd_photo_alternatemicsend

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